You’ve recently started working with a VA. Maybe things are going just fine. Maybe not. But whether it’s smooth sailing or a bit bumpier than expected, there’s something most people don’t think to check:
What expectations did you carry into the relationship that might be causing misalignment—and making things harder—for the two of you?
Many new VA-client relationships start with enthusiasm and the best intentions, but quietly unravel because of mismatched expectations and assumptions. You might think your VA should know what you mean. Or that she should do things the same way you do them. Or that she’ll anticipate your needs without much input from you. Or that she’ll go the extra mile without your realizing that you’re expecting her to sprint.
Those expectations don’t make you a bad client. They make you human.
But unexamined, they can create frustrations on both sides that build up over time. If you’ve even felt mildly disappointed but can’t quite name why, or if you’re feeling that your VA is less enthusiastic, less proactive, or less available than before, it’s work asking:
Could the issue be expectations that never made it to the surface?
Here are some of the most common expectation traps that can quietly sabotage a working relationship:
- Expecting your VA to read your mind. (If you ever think, “I shouldn’t have to explain this,” pause. You probably do, and you should absolutely be willing to.)
- Expecting rapid turnaround. (A pro VA is running a business, and likely has multiple clients whose needs she’s juggling. She also probably let you know what’s realistic when you began working together, and you’ve just forgotten.)
- Expecting your VA to do things the same way you would do them. (Your VA is not your clone, and that’s a good thing. How she gets things done isn’t something you should worry about, as long as the results are what you asked for.)
- Expecting your VA to treat you like the boss. (She’s your professional equal, remember? If you want someone always available, who does everything you tell her to and never pushes back, you want an employee, not a VA.)
- Expecting intuitive contributions to your work without ever inviting your VA into your big picture.
- Expecting perfection. (Spoiler: that doesn’t exist.)
The good news? Most expectations, and the feelings that may accompany them, can be resolved—or avoided altogether—with intentional, honest, clear conversation and mutual respect.
Here are a few places to start:
- Name your expectations. Write them down. Be honest with yourself. Where did they come from? How important are they to you?
- Ask your VA about hers. She’ll have expectations too, about communication, turnaround time, decision making, and how she likes to work in general. Making space for her in the relationship changes everything.
- Check for mismatches. Are you expecting urgency when they’re expecting ease and flow? Do you want to give a list of instructions and forget about it, but they’re waiting for context? Alignment is as important as agreement.
- Talk about what success means to each of you. It’s not likely just completed tasks. What will allow both of you to feel that the relationship is working beautifully? I often tell people, VAs and their clients alike, that they deserve to feel like the luckiest human alive to be in the relationship.
- Update expectations as you grow. What works at the beginning of the relationship may need to be adjusted as your business grows, as you two grow in your relationship together, or as the VA grows in her own business. Revisit, revise, and recommit as things evolve.
This part of the relationship work isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about building the kind of relationship where expectations are shared, agreed to, and revisited as needed. A relationship where trust and confidence can grow. Where your VA doesn’t have to tiptoe or over-function to meet impossible expectations, and you don’t have to feel disappointed or let down because of a story that was never actually shared.
Long-term success in your relationship with your VA isn’t about control. It’s about collaboration. And collaboration thrives when clarity and respect go both ways.
When you shift from assumption to alignment, and from vague hope to intentional partnership, the work gets better, the results get better, and you get better supported.
And that’s when you’ll know in your bones that it was never about being in charge, managing someone else, or expecting too much. It was about co-creating something that works, for both of you.
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