One of the biggest factors in the success (or failure) of a VA/client relationship is something clients don’t always consider: their expectations.
Unfortunately, those expectations are often downright unrealistic.
Too often, clients approach working with a VA the way they see working with an assistant done on TV and in the movies. It’s not their fault that this is the only model they’ve ever had, or it’s what they’ve been told to do by coaches and mentors who also don’t know better.
They believe what’s “right” is that they’re hiring a task-doer—someone to follow orders and quietly execute ideas. They believe that they should treat the person like a low-level, beck-and-call girl. And, even with that thinking, and that level of care and treatment of the assistant, they often still expect her to be more, and to certainly give more. This is where the unrealistic expectations come to play.
Let me stop here to say that there’s nothing at all wrong with wanting someone to take orders and quietly execute your ideas. Just be clear about wanting that when you talk to VAs. That will help the VAs you talk with know whether they’re likely to be a fit for your needs.
But if you were talking to me and said that’s what you want, I would challenge your thinking. I’ve written here about eagles and goats (it’s a cute metaphor wrapped in a story). Every growth-oriented business owner likely needs both but absolutely needs an eagle.
But trying to make a goat be an eagle? It’s not likely to happen. It’s like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.
What growth oriented clients who talk with me really want and need is someone who can do the work that needs to be done, but who also will think with them, anticipate needs, offer ideas, spot problems before they become issues, and show up with high EQ, discernment, and care.
In other words, they want a partner (in the relationship sense, not the business sense), aka an eagle.
Unfortunately, wanting a partner and treating a VA like an order-taker always results in unhappiness, all around. And it happens far too often.
It’s Not Just About the Tasks
Yes, there are tasks to be done. But a great VA, one who wants and is capable of being a partner, doesn’t just do tasks. She doesn’t want to just do tasks. She wants to get things done, of course, but she also wants to help you think through what to do, why it matters, and how to do things in a way that works better.
That’s part of the value in working with someone who sees herself as a business owner, rather than someone who sees herself as a freelancer/gig worker and moves from job to job to job, possibly not even aware that she actually does own a business.
A VA who is aware that she is a business owner brings a business owner’s perspective from her own hard-won experience and all the experiences she’s had with other clients over the years. She sees things you don’t, she understands how to build solid systems and processes, spot shaky foundations, support real growth (or whatever your mission is), and most of all, stands for your vision. She’s showing up for you, rather than simply showing up to tick off things on your to-do list.
But here’s the thing: She can only do that if you invite her in.
If You Want a Partner, Treat Your VA Like One
First thing first: you have to know, down to your toes, that your VA is your professional equal. She’s not an underling; this is not like the boss/secretary relationships of long ago where he says jump and she jumps. She’s not less than—in any way. She even may have greater mastery of her profession than you have of yours. Let that one sink in. You need to see her as a peer, not just a pair of hands.
So, to have her be your partner consider:
- Asking her for her perspective, not just her availability.
- Giving her space and clear signals that she’s welcome to offer ideas, not just execute yours.
- Trusting her process, not just assigning yours.
- Being open to collaboration, not just delegation.
- Valuing her insight, not just her output.
- Welcoming her questions (every single dang one of ’em!), not just her compliance.
- Letting her lead where it makes sense to, not just follow where you point.
- Inviting self-paced and self-guided work and initiative, not just waiting for your instructions.
- Allowing room for the relationship, not just for the results you demand.
Otherwise? You end up with a relationship where you do all the thinking, and the VA does simply what you say. That puts a lot of added work on you, and it’s not likely to get you the support you really need.
If you want more and better from your VA, if you want a partner for your success, start by showing up as one yourself, and let her share her own brilliance with you. You’ll both be better for it.
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